Down in the Dumps(ter)
Our marriage got off to a rocky start. We were just a few days into wedded bliss when I tossed my new bride’s favorite athletic clothes into a dumpster and slammed the lid.
Little did I know that this would be a lesson in leadership and faith. But as her clothes sat in the bottom of a deep dumpster perculating in a plastic bag, it became part of a story that included saving, redemption, and even protection from the summer smells of refuse rejection.
Jan and I tied the knot on June 15th, 2002. Two days later we were on a plane and heading west towards our destination of Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, and a life together. We landed in Salt Lake City and we then headed north into Idaho, where we settled into a cozy cabin in a tiny town named Driggs.
Driggs was very small and quaint at that time. The week prior they just installed their first red-light and the newspaper ran a front-page story of how to navigate the usual streets with this new-fangled device to control traffic. Driggs was tiny and tight-knit but had just enough to entertain a newlywed couple for an extended stay. We frequented a coffee shed called “Java the Hut” and ate Huevos Rancheros at a cute little restaurant every morning.
Those are some of the happy memories of Driggs. Then the hard life-lessons of Driggs appeared but as stinky as they were they produced some lovely scents for later on.
We decided to head over the mountain pass overlooking Driggs and head into the Tetons for a hike. So bags were packed, a lunch was made, and we set off for some memory making. Along the way we made a quick stop at a grocery store and its dumpster where I tossed a few small bags of trash onto the pile. It was just a small task but little did we know that we would have to revisit later!
Once at the trailhead I checked the map, laced up my shoes, and was practically ready to go when I noticed Jan rummaging around our rental car. She couldn’t find the things she wanted for the hike. She explained that she had her favorite t-shirt, good hiking socks, and a light jacket packed in a grocery bag and now this bag was mysteriously missing. The t-shirt was a one-of-a-kind memory maker from a running race. Since we were also living out of a suitcase for 15 days it was also pretty important to not just randomly lose things along the way. These were not just clothes; these were the important clothes with stories.
When she asked how many bags I threw into the trash I responded with the number “3”. The problem with that answer was that we only really had 2 bags of trash! It seems as though I threw 2 bags of trash and a bag of my wife’s favorite hiking clothes into a dumpster in Driggs. Ugh.
Since we were at the trail and it was over an hour back to the dumpster we decided to continue on with a hike and see the sights. We tried to live the good life and soak in the scene but the anxiety and worry about retrieving Jan’s clothes was a lot to bear. Jan was a sport about it but tossing her favorite clothes in the garbage is not a great way to show your love for your new bride.
Almost 8 hours after my reckless tossing of the trash we returned to Driggs and the dumpster. It was almost dark and I was about to start my first experience of dumpster diving. That’s true love! I flipped open the lid and stared at many more bags of garbage than what I remembered. I was looking for my treasure but instead of clear vision of its location there was more trash in the bin and it all looked smelly and pretty disgusting. The memory of my flippant toss of the trash ran through my brain and I tried to recollect exactly where our bags would have landed in the dumpster. What seemed like a menial task hours before was now the centerpiece of restoring the trust of our relationship. When it comes to a solid marriage there are no wasted actions or words!
I don’t remember the smell or even the sights, but I do remember the thrill of moving several trash bags and seeing our grocery bag of favorite clothes sitting all sad-like in the corner. I was so happy to find our “trash”! Jan’s clothes were still there; they remained folded and protected by a bunched up shopping bag so while they were among the garbage they didn’t turn into actual garbage! I reached down and pulled them out. I think I felt more dirty than the clothes after rooting around the dumpster.
Jan’s favorite hiking clothes endured a small season of being in the dumps. Can you relate? The stinky season happens. The times when you reside in the refuse. It’s the times when the lid of life closes and you feel apart from your purpose and mission.
I wouldn’t recommend tossing your spouse’s clothes in a dumpster. But I do know that part of leadership is not being afraid to get dirty and go back for what’s lost. There was no way to purchase another set of those particular clothes and to say “just deal with it” is not showing any kind of empathy for the situation. Rather, our relationship mattered enough to go back. To get dirty. To express love through the retrieval of the lost in a stinky setting.
Once again I am writing to you, but the message is for me. We aren’t trash. We have smelly situations. We have a residence in the dumpster. We are designed for one thing and the next thing you know you’re in a situation where you need to be lifted up and out. That’s how life is on earth! And while some let the lost stay lost or replace them with the new and shiny, there’s still a need to rescue the lost, to give the smelly a story, and to clean up the clothes that fit and are favorites.
We are heading towards celebrating Christmas and here I am talking about dumpster diving. But did you know that Jesus was born after a terribly long stinky season. There were 400 years from talk of the Messiah to the time that he was actually born. Society and culture had tossed hope and the possibility of a personal relationship with God into the dumpster and replaced them with anything else that seemed to fill that void. But in crazy circumstances and against all odds God came back in the form of a baby born in Bethlehem. He reached into the depth of the dumpster and not only pulled back what was lost but gave us all the opportunity to be remade, reused, and be born again. We were once separated by sin. Stinky sin. But with the birth of Jesus we are forgiven and recovered. We are his favorites, the ones that can’t be replaced or cast aside to never be used again. You are His. I am His. The dumpster doesn’t win.
I’ll wrap this up by encouraging you to always count the trash bags and discern what is trash and what could be valuable, one-of-a-kind, meaningful items. If those end up in the dumpster go back and get them. Don’t be afraid to lead by going back and getting gross and dirty. If it’s valuable and saves a relationship it’s totally worth the trouble. That was the case 2000 years ago and it’s worth it now. There’s always a story for the refuse recovered.
