Go Back to Go Forward

The metallic sound caught my attention.  I knew it wasn’t good but I couldn’t quite think of what it could be.  My brakes still worked, my shifters still clicked the gears, and it appeared like I was still on two wheels!  What in the world could it be?

I was in the lead of a bike race in northern Pennsylvania, jockeying for position with 4 other riders when I heard the metallic sound of my recently applied wedding band bouncing off my bike frame.  A month earlier that was placed on my finger by my bride and we vowed, literally, to take each other for better and for worse.  For richer or for poorer.  As I freewheeled down a Williamsport hill I had to decide if Jan would take me for poorer and for worse!  It was a gamble early in our marriage!

I grabbed two handfuls of brake and slowed my breakaway to a crawl.  Then a U-turn.  Then an off-road ride as I scavenged the median of a divided highway, looking for a now weathered and certainly scratched ring.  The race and all of the glory went up the road and I was on my knees looking for my wedding band among Marlboro wrappers.

Amazingly enough I found it.  It slipped on my finger and I hopped back on my bike, fingers clenched of course, and moseyed towards the finish line.  The race had been won and the last rider had finished.  But I was returning, I just needed to go back for something important.  More important than the sprint to be on the podium.

At the finish line my teammates rolled their eyes at what happened while their girlfriends or wives swooned.  I missed out on winning our months rent but I did gain the nice guy award from strangers.  And Jan is with me to this day, 19 years later!

Have you ever had to go backwards to go forward?  Losing my wedding band gave me a little crisis…go back and I honor my word and commitment.  Go forward and win some cash to pay the bills and soak in the momentary cool status of a high placing at a race.  Life is always full of these predicaments.  It seems like to win in our world we are to not only press forward, but to go as hard and fast forward as we can.  Win at all costs.  Map out a plan, push hard, step over the dead bodies in the way, and conquer your dream!  Except I think to win you need to have that moment where maybe going back will ultimately give you a win.  Let me tell you, this is a weird way of thinking!

For 10 years I pushed very hard in my business.  The business ran on my blood, sweat, and tears.  I was pushing.  While I tried to be a good husband and father it was painfully obvious that my family got what was left of me rather than the best of me.  Eventually a door opened and I had to make a decision;  go “backwards” and connect with my family, or go “forward” and keep pursuing whatever the business was going to produce.  I had my identity and an income in the business.  I had a family that wanted my time and energy.  It was an easy decision but one that flew in the face of normal!  It was like revisiting my wedding band in the median story from years ago.

It’s ok to go backwards when all the world wants is to go forward fast.  It truly is.  Going backwards means you are valuing relationships.  It’s fun to have company.  It’s fun to make memories.  It’s meaningful to show love even without saying “I love you”.  

The world will always have the allure of pressing forward to make your own way.  To find success through sheer willpower, ego-power, or following someone else’s instructions for success.  It took courage to watch others go for the glory in that bike race while I wallowed in Williamsport’s litter looking for something shiny that wasn’t formally wrapping cigarettes.  It will take courage for you to watch an opportunity to go on ahead of you without you participating.  It won’t seem fair.  It might hurt.  But the ones you go back for are worth it.  It could be your wife, your kids, or a friend.  The world will make you think you build a legacy by pressing forward despite people and their opposition.  I kinda think that a legacy is built by the people you are willing to go back for when the world is going forward!  Don’t be afraid to go backwards in your quest to move forward.